okay i havn't done a proper journal entry in a while, mainly because i havn't had much time between work, holidays, and many nights out so i decided i'd do this in relation to my recent encounters.....


Ten things I wish I could say to people:

1) I know i havn't known you that long but i really want to thank you for how welcome you've made me feel and for helping me out without getting frustrated. i know i get things wrong a lot but i feel that you understand that mistakes happen-its human. and i love you for making me laugh so much. i really enjoy our little chats.

2) You're a cheeky bugger but i really have missed you.

3) I can't do this anymore, its time for you to make your own way in the world-you're not always going to have me to hide behind when you can't face something. we've had some fun times but we've both changed-i can no longer stand your constant paranoia and low self esteem while constantly having our friendship on your terms only-i have helped you beyond belief but you have to just step up to the challenge on your own from now on. a friendship should not involve one person constantly being careful of what they say or do for fear of the other lashing out or holding a grudge-grudges never got anyone anywhere-either get whats bothering you off your chest or move on. MOVE ON!!

4) I love you more than i can possibly say but there are times when i wish you'd be a little more understanding. you are very quick to judge people, mostly people you don't even know andits not a nice trait to have. you have to realise that not everything you think is nessecarily the right or true.

5) You don't really know me but you intruige me. i really think that you are a wonderful person and i'd only love to get to know you better.

6) I love you. There i've said it, i think you are the most wonderful, kind, selfless and caring person i've ever met and i can only hope that whatever you do in life that you are exceedingly happy.

7) I wish you would take my feelings seriously. I don't care if you we're only messing, the point is that what you do does hurt me and therefore its not just a joke anymore. i don't think you realise just how bad you can make me feel-please please be more sensitive.

8) Listen, you are one of my best friends-you make me laugh so much and i feel like i can tell you anything but i have to be honest with you-what happened last night should never have happened, i can't be more than just your friend-it doesn't feel right. i'd hate to ruin the wonderful friendship we had before-can we please forget about this?

9) You are my best friend and friends are honest with eachother. i can't stand how rude you can be. you pass it off as being straight forward and strong but i think that is a pathetic excuse for how you lie to, snap at and treat other people. you are completely selfish with absolutely no regard for wht may be on someone elses agenda-just as long as it suits you you're not bothered. and as the person you confide in most i feel insulted that you still don't know me well enough that you think i'm impressed by certain things you do. i have nothing against what you decide to do for fun but please have the decency to know that i don't enjoy talking about it.

10) Oh sorry for having annoyed you your "majesty" i guess i was under the impression that your job as a receptionist on the phones was to help and inform people but i was wrong, it won't happen again!!

Nine things about myself:

1) I think way too much. i over analyse, relive, daydream and plan so much that i actually annoy the shite outa myself. because of my over active thinking i'm a worrier and worry about my future all the time.
2) I am a complete neat freak. i just can't relax in a cluttered room. and i can feel myself being irritated more and more if something goes uncleaned day after day. i also find pleasure from cleaning and tidying itself. its wierd its like a sort of stress release!!
3) I can be a very independent and isolated person. its by choice, i don't mind it, i sometimes just get so lost in my own head and enjoy my own company rather than the company of others. but i can also drive myself crazy like that!
4) I am very trusting of people whom i've just met, and it really is bad for me. I confide things in people early on and regret it very much soon after. its not what their reaction to it is or that they spread it around but the fact that something that is important to me has suddenly lost all its meaning because i gave out the information so freely and that person didnt think much of it....
5) Music is a huge part of my life. its kinda like my converation starter and i can immidiately analyse(or so i think!) a person by what music they say they like. i love listening to music, playing music, i just love how it can reflect every complicated thing you're feeling and more so perfectly it makes you want to cry and laugh all at the same time!
6) I vary from being very accepting of my body to being completely self conscious. i've improve in recent years but it scares me how one minute i can be on the top of the world and the next thing i'm pretty depressed.
7) The whole concept of going through life and not doing anything meaningful or substantial is always on the periphary of my mind and really frightens me.
8) A lot of the time I have a very strong feeling or opinion on something but i find it impossible to articulate what i mean. Thinking is strange like that, you know what you think but can't say what it is. Make sense??
9) I get afraid of trying things because i'm scared of putting my all into a project only to be face by rejection or being outdone by someone who will do it much better. its an awful way to be and i really am trying to change my thoughts in that regard.


Eight ways to win my heart:
1) Good sense of humour but has a serious side also
2) Someone who accepts and loves all my little querks
3) Don't follow the crowd
4) A practicing Christian. this sounds strange i know and i don't mean a jesus-freak but atleast i know that person straight away has certain morals and charitablness.
5) Someone a little bit nerdy or has a particular obsession is always a bit of a turn-on. i think it shows a real vulnerable side to someone to know what they find happiness from.
6) Someone who isn't all touchy feely. i respect anyone who respects my personal space.
7) If anyone can figure out what it is that goes on in my head i will be theirs forever!
8) Any guy who can speak Irish has my attention straight away!

Seven things that cross my mind a lot:
1) What will i wear?
2) I'll do it tomorrow
3) What would so-and-so think if they knew....
4) aaaahh college!!!!
5) oh my GOD you are annoying me so much right now!!
6) ugh i have work tomorrow!
7) where the hell am i going in life??

Six things I do before I fall asleep:
1) Brush my teeth
2) Brush hair
3) Run up and down the stairs about seven times because i've forgotten something that it would be vital i have before falling asleep!
4) Listen to sleepy playlist on ipod
5) Write little lists of what i need to do the next day
6) Start thinking and get sudden bursts of inpiration which is most annoying when one is trying to fall asleep!!!

Five places I want to visit:
1) London(going in 2weeks!!!)
2) Egypt
3) China. I don't know why but i've just always wanted to go there)
4) Venice
5) New York

Four things I'm wearing right now:
1) Mens tracksuit bottoms (why should they have more comfortable pants than us??)
2) Navy t-shirt
3) spotty socks
4) Stripy underwear

Three bands that I listen to often:
1) Queen
2) David Bowie
3) Fleetwood Mac/Billy Joel/Muse (equally!)

Two things I want to do before I die:
1) Travel the world
2) Make a name in the fashion/art world

One confession:
I'm going to college to do irish but i really regret this decision. i convinced myself that i wouldn't be good enough for art college when really art is one of the most important things in my life....



i think i feel slightly exposed and vulnerable after that!